20181211: Euros | Dollars

After a third email reminder, I retrieved my 850€ stipend from Afro-Asiatische Institute. For some artists whose standard of living or monthly earnings were lower than mine, thed stipend could have been a substitute for a monthly salary. And if the artist traveling to Graz were able to sublet her apartment, this residency could even be a profit-making endeavor. While I was grateful for the stipend and subsidized housing, as many residencies did not pay a stipend, for me this was not a financially-motivated experience. It was an existential endeavor, a trip buttressed by my concern for my continued survival in a world of environmental collapse.

The double-edged sword of living in an expensive city like New York, London, Singapore or Tokyo was that almost everywhere I travel things were cheaper. But if I was receiving pay, I was probably getting paid less than in my hometown. If the travel was temporary, less than a month, there was the shopping spree experience, a sense that everything was on sale. For example, a beer in a bar in Graz was around 2-3€. In New York, unless it was during happy hour, it was double; $8 if the place wasn’t a dive. If I stayed longer, the period can become a serious economic draw. Regardless of the duration of the residency, income, rent, savings and cost of living were always a topic of conversation with artists.

Regularly I heard that it was better for artists to live in a city with a lower cost of living, like Berlin or Leipzig, Cleveland or Baltimore. Those may have been a good advice if the artist didn’t plan to have an income, or even sell their artwork. (With the lower cost of living was a lower pay rate, and usually a lower price tags on artwork for sale.) The problem with this approach was one became economically stranded: if one lived in an inexpensive city, traveling to major cultural capitals would be prohibitively expensive. One was limited to the places where some income, like a stipend, could offset the travel. Those were lotteries. (Cutting corners by sleeping on a friend’s couch was something that was common in the creative world, but most people who live in popular and expensive cities got this solicitation so frequently that it was a burden to host artist friends who were perpetually broke and perceived as dependent on friends who actually worked to pay rent. After graduate school, I had a different friend ask to sleep on my couch every month. It got old, especially for my roommates. When I stopped accepting them, I stopped see them.)

Whether living in an inexpensive city was a good choice depended on one’s age, or stage in life. Living in an inexpensive city while one experimented with what they learned in school as it related to the world could have been fruitful. But a decade out graduate school, I was quite happy that New York was my home, and not LA, Berlin or San Francisco (although San Francisco is expensive, it lacks a large contemporary cultural art scene). Less expensive cities usually had less competition, which may have been rewarding for younger artists to gain experience with exhibitions or grants, but the glass ceiling was defined by the number of mid and late-career opportunities. Most serious, historically relevant artists had a presence in New York, Paris, London, or Tokyo, because that was where the major galleries and institutions were located and that was where historical discourse was produced. It was almost tautological. Inexpensive cities, or even towns, may have been a good choice after one had established a relationship with galleries or institutions in cultural hubs. But going to the woods as an early and permanent solution for creative output paralleled how retirees went to inexpensive cities to lower their cost of living precisely because they were not earning money. However, if one didn’t have the relationship with a cultural hub and planned to mimic the urban flight of retirees, he was overlooking the point that retirees planned to die soon.

The question of whether to try to live in an expensive or inexpensive city was largely influenced on whether an artist was earning money or not. There was a stigma of mid-career artists working day-jobs, as if one was less of an artist if a day-job was required to offset a cost of living that couldn’t be sustained by the artist’s creative output. Strangely, teaching was perceived as an exception to this stigma. The argument I’d heard by teaching artists was that they are still near to what they loved, they talked about art, or thought about their artwork more by teaching it. I didn’t see the distinction. Yes, there were benefits to teaching, but there were also drawbacks, and the demise of tenure-track positions to adjunct teaching, paired with the salary caps one found in higher education, teaching appeared more like an past alternative, at least in New York and other major cultural capitals. The time off during each summer sounded great, but I noticed more and more colleagues used that time teach in other programs rather than focus on personal creative output, which made me wonder about how they are being compensated in the first place. Compared to not working, teaching sounded like a great idea, but I disagreed with teaching being a preferred alternative to other day jobs, especially if the gig outside of academia had a better pay rate. More importantly, I disagreed with the stigma of day-jobs for artists all together.

A rarely discussed reality was the abundance of trustafarians, people who didn’t have to work because of their family’s affluence. The artworld was full of trustafarians. They competed for the same art studios, awards, prizes, residencies, exhibitions and galleries as artists who came from more modest backgrounds, even though the trustees didn’t need the money. The motivation was prestige, exposure, and meeting other artists. Trustafarians could hire craftsman to produce their work, travel to exhibition openings or talks, buy better equipment, and spend more time socializing with gallerists and curators. Living in a more expensive city, with a higher pay rate, was the closest one compete with a trustafarian, if the parents didn’t leave you a nest egg.

Unless you’re a trustafarian, it was best to strike the idea of living off of your art out of your mind because choosing to not earn money was the opposite of creative freedom. Yes, you could make money from your art, but if making art was motivated by economic freedom, as opposed to using creativity as a tool for a job or enjoyment, most artists who lived off their art were replicating a cottage industry without a sense of market saturation: was making paintings that different than making handbags, horseshoes or hummus, in terms of labor, distribution models, time management and daily life?

Even for those who weren’t trustafarians, like adjunct professors or freelancer, having a temporary or part-time gig offered an advantage in competing for resources over those who thought they could survive strictly on art sales. Income and family wealth were not part of the art award, residency, exhibition selection processes, but were mistakenly thought of as disadvantages by younger artists who had some preconceived notion of what art was or what an artist’s background should be. The art world was not a meritocracy; it was an oligarchy.

Thinking that an income was optional, was a meta-trap; not having an income was an even bigger trap than living in an inexpensive city. How did this play out? Initially, living in an expensive city was a net-loss. Some of the initially losses could be reduced by living in unpopular areas, or suburbs that of inexpensive cities. But as one’s skills and age increased after graduate school, the rate of income should have outpaced the increase of the cost of living, making expensive cities more affordable. This was true even for artists. The creative economies were hungry for talent, and if you were an artist, you likely had some skill that could, with practice or training, become valuable. Larger cities tended to have more industries on which artists could rely for income.

Knowing when to stop earning money and focus on creative output was another double-edged sword. I met many artist who, during a residency, were already using the time to apply to the next residency. In a way, that defeated the point of the residency, but it was a function of attempting to live off the meager infrastructure that was an artist residency. Practically speaking, this was a way to convert a potentially creative occupation with a job of paperwork. Instead of a cottage industry, this was a secretarial position.

20181212: Saubermacher | System Felber

The headquarters of Saubermacher stood out on the periphery, a diamond on the landscape, predicting the growth of the city of Graz. This high-tech, environmentally-friendly structure expressed the pursuit of being environmentally friendly with water-pipes that cooled the space in the summer, rather than AC, and an efficient lighting system that detected movement, so no energy was wasted in an empty room. Aside from the structure’s energy considerations, the office had a notable amount of art, all focused or made from recycled materials. The building was filled with great art, the origin of which were explained by the primary sharehold having a son who was artists living in New York. The largest artwork in Ziehenberger’s office was a photograph of tetra-briks flattened and bound into a giant cube. Tetra-briks, Gerhard explained, were primarily incinerated into energy. I started the conversation with Gerhard Ziehenberger, the Chief Operating Office of Saubermacher about the state of recyclables.

Saubermacher processes many materials into secondary raw materials, which were used in construction industry. Most of the clients were located in Austria and Central Europe. Television glass got shipped to Indonesia, where a manufacturer still produced that type of unit. In general, Saubermacher’s business was efficiency framed as high recovery.

Like many European countries, the rate of consumption was increasing in Austria. This was a function of wealth. But the areas of consumption are not merely individual habits but marketing techniques. Ziehenberger used the example of perfumes bottles. A perfumery might overspend on extra glass in order to make their product more appealing. A portion of this cost was passed on to the consumer, but the spending was mostly justified in luxury cost of the product and relatively low percentage of the cost for materials. As an aspect of branding, I understood his supermarket example, but I wondered if a similar calculation existed in the green economy: upfront costs equating to long term savings. And if so, did the Saubermacher headquarters also fit within the logic he was explaining. That is, wasn’t the ecological disposition of the building also a branding element of Saubermacher?

On January 1, 2018, China ceased accepting the garbage and recyclables of Europe and the North America. Surprisingly, Gerhard hadn’t requested my questions in advance, which allowed me to divert from the predictable statistics and small talk that most companies are prepared to deliver and ask how these secondary raw materials ultimately made it back to China, since that was the origin of most consumer materials in Austria. He prefaced the recycling situation in Austria, as well as Europe, was in a period of transition, due to Chinese new policy known as the Golden Sword. The landscape was new and industry and policy were still responding. Exactly what would happen was unclear, but Ziehenberger was optimistic that a new circular economy would develop in Europe. That meant not only recycling everything that was consumed in Europe, but producing everything that was consumer in Europe as well. How this would happen, or what this world would look like was not obvious. To me, this seemed an impossible regression to the era predating the Silk Road.

I asked what percent of waste was recycled and surprisingly, Gerhard, the Chief Operating Officer, said he didn’t know the exact figures. However, the European Landfill Directive prohibited any municipal waste from being landfilled. Half of everything that was put in municipal waste was recycled and the other half was turned into energy. By diverting waste from landfills, Austria had diminished most of the methane byproduct of waste to almost zero.

Gerhard believed that ultimately, Austria’s environmental practices had very little impact in the world and that it was up to bigger players, like the U.S. and China, to change their policy. This was something strange to hear, especially as individuals struggled to make sense of the impact that just one person, nonetheless 8 million people, had on the planet. Butt Ziehenberger didn’t mean to say this in a way to discourage recycling: his intent was to put a sense of scale into the equation of a lost cause. The position that Austria should take, he emphasized, was to export their knowledge to developing countries, thereby extending their impact. The question was who would hire the companies, as they were the entities that put the scientific knowledge to use. Was he alluding to the need of non-commercial, non-governmental entities to introduce the ecological practices abroad?

Plastics were a particularly difficult sector to recycle, in part due to the down-cycling characteristic, massive pollution issue in the seas and rivers, but also due to volatility of the cost the main ingredient: crude oil. Saubermacher had explored into this enormous deluge several times but could never determine that operating in it made financial sense. The EU in general was a loss as to what to do with post-consumer plastics. The movement toward higher regulation to discourage the use of plastics includes a future ban on plastic bags and plastic straws. This aims to change behavior as well as substitute inferior materials with better materials.

Behavior and general perception were the biggest hurdles to recycling and a better planet. He shared the anecdote of riding in a truck in Oman and seeing the driver throw a coke can out of the window. He asked the driver if, after driving the same route 100 times, he would feel horrified to see the cans in the desert. The driver replied, ‘I never drive the same route twice.’

The other perception that is unconstructive was the belief that Austria, Germany, Switzerland and Denmark were ecologically-inclined due to their wealth. He scoffed at this, saying only “If you live in a country where people can afford an iPhone, they can afford to be ecological.” I would add that the reverse was true: their wealth was a function of their success in dealing with biopolitical issues, including clean water, air and land.

Ziehenberger was anticipating the future initiatives of recycling organic waste. As wealth was increasing, Austrians were throwing away more organic waste. Saubermacher hoped to first turn this into a biofuel and compost the remaining waste. The other technologies that were on the horizon were the production of proteins through the use of black soldier flies that could process organic waste. As farm food or pet food for turtles, Gehard suggested the wide future of BSF larva; he even echoed the potential of human consumption.

*

I wasn't sure which side of the street I was to meet Walter Felber. Two men, who appeared homeless stood together on one side while I walked between the stations on both sides, looking for a man who would be looking for someone else. Each tram that came and went offered a possibility to filter out the bystanders or bring Walter. I made long eye contact with each man who looked over fifty as he passed, waiting for a sign of a yield. Fifteen minutes went by and one of the homeless men was now sitting on a bench, so I asked the other man, who was looking down the street if he was Walter Felber, he said 'Yes' and that we should go inside the church to talk. He meant “warm up.”

In the church he started talking about the rampant political corruption in Graz while I asked myself whether the topic was relevant for me to film, or how might I direct the conversation toward the Speicherkanal. His storytelling went in the opposite direction, taking me back to his time in Vienna and how and why he had even come to Graz forty years ago.

Then he said, "This is what the sewer looks like," and took out a large piece of paper; my signal to start recording. He began drawing a profile view with the cars, streets and buildings above, toilets connected to the drains and the sewer river. I filmed as he continued the drawing and, seeming satisfied with the layout and filled with a renewed, directed purpose, handed me the paper and said, "So, let's go into the sewer."

Leaving the church I asked, "We're not going to go to jail for going into the sewer, are?" He looked at me with a short glance of confusion then walked outside. The entrance to the Grazbach, or where the Grazbach was sent underground, was near a Billa supermarket. Since the time I was looking for Walter, at least one employee had been standing outside on smoke break, exploiting the system. I glanced at the young man who was smiling as Walter began to climb over the fence. Walter sat atop a concrete fence and carefully lifted one and then a second leg over, balancing on his ass long enough to strike a luge pose. Then he turned to me, nodded in beckoning, walked to a cement stairway and turned to me again before descending down to a metal ladder and into the Grazbach.

The creek made a half meter cascade down before being covered by the city’s ground level. Felber didn’t give much of an explanation, just named the canal and said that it led down to the Mur. I thought he said we would go the entire sewer length as we entered. He pointed out a dead pigeon on the walkway and said we had to be careful because there were noxious gases. As we went further into the canal, which was completely unlit other than the dwindling daylight to our backs, he pointed out a dead rat in the path. The camera was at the highest ISO and widest aperture when I asked him if he had brought a flashlight. I could hear him feeling out the pathway with his feet. He stopped just as my eyes were adjusting to the near blackness; “no, I didn’t bring a light. This is probably far enough, let’s go back.”

We headed out and up and across the street and through Sank Leonhard to what I presumed was this cafe in which Walter had his work hung on exhibit. Instead, he brought me to his apartment building, up several flights of stairs and into his dwelling, a crowded two-bedroom apartment full of ideas and art. His son lived below him, his ex-wife below his son. I wasn’t sure whether this was a short layover and I should enter or if this was the final stop and I misunderstood his work being in a cafe. I stood in the entrance as he brought panel after panel of his System Felber®, a workflow for the management of solid waste, out to show me. Should this be part of the video? Should I record this?

Walter showed me his office, a room with a desk that had once been a central location for thought and work, now a load-bearing structure for stacks of cardboard trays reaching to the ceiling, exactly the same cardboard tray as I had seen in Joachim’s apartment, occupied the space. I felt like this room was a time portal, a worm hole into my own possible future. Does the System Felber® apply to collections?

Adjacent to Walter’s office was his art studio, which was equally “occupied,” though the cardboard boxes were substituted with canvases. He had a passion for figure studies. The walls were covered salon style; the floor and table stacked with more works. Daylight trickled in as I tried to follow my camera with different works to which Walter called attention. One painting he showed me was an original Bauhaus that had been painted over with a portrait of a Bauhaus founder. A print out of a photo of the man was on hand to prove the veracity of his claim. We stayed for about an hour in his apartment, each of us trying to locate a needle of value in a haystack of his lived space. Random, human and ultimately confusing, the meander continued until I began to excuse myself in order to go to Schaumbad in order to print my book. To this he remarked that we had yet to see his work on display.

During the ride downtown and cappuccino at s’Auenbrugger, the conversation slipped in and out of relevance to the topic of sewers or solid waste management. At one point Walter was talking about Venezia and Puerto Marghera and paralleling how Mussolini’s relative was killed due to poor engineering, suggesting it was too early to consider the battle finished; a moment later he was recounting a basketball match he had coached and encountering the players, who recognizing him decades later. The a long shot at the last second had won the game.

In the final peel away from the extended afternoon, Walter demanded to show me a new invention that was making its way around the city of Graz: electrical heaters. At first I didn’t know what he was talking about; we hastily walked through Gries looking into the windows of restaurants–Walter trying to recall where he had last seen this monstrosity–entering one establishment he pointing out this terror of wasted energy. I disappointed him when I mentioned these were very common in the US and New York, even as they are known fire hazards.

Walter Felber and his system were one man's attempt at entering a mature industry of waste management, which was dominated by corporations, such as Saubermacher. Walking home it occurred to me that the reason why basically no one outside of the waste management industry knew, nonetheless were talking about, China's new policy of not accepting waste was because this was precisely an industrial problem. Just four decades earlier, much of the developed world was concerned about landfills, how they would fill up, how our garbage would overflow into the street, and now no one worried about that now, except for environmentalists. Industry formed, matured and developed. It had evolved toward resource management, which was good, but it was unfortunate that human behavior, such as lowering consumption rates, couldn't have occurred instead. And then I realized that the issue of global warming will likely take the same route. All of this talk about regulation, changing individual habits would have only a minor impact because certainly we'd never achieve the global consensus needed to fix our problem. Some industry may be regulated, as the CFCs in the 1980s, but that would equate to the issue becoming an industrial concern. Rather than curbing behavior, more likely a global climate change industry would arise and begin to profit from this problem, not unlike how Joachim talked about those who profited from collecting barrels of shit. In this near-future, few would discuss or worry about the state of the world’s climate, beside those who work in the industry. That was the cynical faith I had in capitalism.

20181213: Archived | Archiving

Michael and Marleen lent me three books of archival Graz. When I was too weary eyed of editing, I looked at these old black and white images, dating back to the mid 19th Century, just a few decades after the invention of photography itself. The early images showed dirt roads with men in suits, large hotel buildings lining the Mur and beautiful homes with wooden fences. Coincidentally, this era, 1860-1880, was also the years when Graz was responding to a catastrophic flood. One photo showed a man is washing his clothing in the Grazbach. Another photo showed the flood. As one would expect, the city was less densely populated at that time, but the mere existence of photographs at that period suggests that it was a place of intrigue for a photographer, and, already, a place with wealth.

*

I convinced Vera to participate, which was not a simple achievement. She acquiesced when I wrote her a note, but the very first thing she asked me when I was setting up my gear was, “What are you going to use this for?” That was a question that was really common before social media. People thought of images as having some leverage, utility or intention. A decade before, I would have scoffed at this question, asking myself who this person thought he was, that his image had any value, that the he would be recognizable or connected to their person in anyway. People had always asked this question in a suspicious way, as if I were up to some nefarious task, rather than out of curiosity of where they may see their photo. But this question had largely subsided. In the art world and residencies, where people identify the professional value a well-taken image may bring, I hadn’t heard it for years. The portraits of the artists that I’d been taking while traveling were increasingly rewarding. Stocked with ripening young talent, residencies offered the most basic characteristic of photography: to capture a moment in time, capture the nascent the value and wait for it to growing in the coming years. I wasn’t surprised by Vera’s question, especially in light of our discussion about the Right to Be Forgotten, and her expression that Europeans were more cautious with selfies than Americans. We took a few photos of her in the hallway of Priesterseminar. She was stoic, almost uncomfortable, refusing to smile.

The act of producing these portraits was always a transliteration of the idea of what an artist was in the mind of the sitter and the image and expression she believed equates to that idea. I mean that, in all cases, I was personally familiar with the artist before I request to take their portrait, and almost always I was wrestling with them in order to have them release this ideal from their face and give me the person that I’d met and known instead. For artists, this was usually delineated between smiling or being severely serious. (Take your work seriously, but don’t take yourself seriously.) At the best times, I could get the artist to actually smile, not just smile, but produce a sincere facial expression in reaction to something I’d said that was amusing. But Vera wouldn’t budge. But the photo went into my archive.

I rode my bike back out to Saubermacher to capture an establishing shot with the building in the snow. With the open landscape, the white surface undamaged, the building looked truly revolutionary. A block of saplings stood out on their plot. It was cold, bitter cold and only a few joggers were outside, accompanying me along the pedestrian and bike trail that paralleled the OBB. On the fence of the train was graffiti, one of the few places I had seen it in Graz. That was a position in contemporary art.

Frigid, brittle and sniffling, I stopped at Schaumbad to chat with Iris about my filming, Saubermacher and Walter Felber and I felt compelled to clarify the exhaustion I had expressed after meeting with him. Both Iris and Eva had been really excited that I met with him, but I thought they misinterpreted my fatigue after seeing him as ingratitude. In fact, he was something of a warning sign, or an inevitable future that I saw for myself. The junk. The material reflection of a person with too many interests. This man, alone, toiling with his ideas, too independent amidst an industry of waste management or too dated for contemporary art. I wondered if his sluggish response to the shifting political landscape of garbage had somehow reflected his body’s own decreasing pliability. That is, he had taught urban planning at a university level, a decade ago; prior to his retirement people listened to him. But I got the sense that he was desperate for an audience now and that the only way for me to politely excuse myself from his conversation was to flee. Coincidentally, while I spoke with Iris about this, I saw that two walls in the office at Schaumbad were lined with a high-tech, flat, radiating electric heater. “Don’t let Walter see this,” I advised.

Another reason to take a portrait is to do justice to a person who may be in snapshots and smartphone images. I took Iris upstairs to the lounge and pointed one of the theatrical Mole Richardsons at her. We stood the white benches up to act as a bounce and took several three-quarter portraits. Iris had been the singularly most effective person in my project, unflinching to any last-minute request and always positive. But still, it was hard to get her to crack a smile.

I got home and began to process and archive the images, then looked into buying another hard drive to store my images, and another RAID box to back up each hard drive, and furniture to put the RAID array on; I thought of Walter Felber.

20181214: Bathroom | Glühwein

Once a month, the cleaning women (they are all women) of Priesterseminar, in their blue aprons and white pants, cleaned the bathrooms of all the residents. The allotted time was about two and a half hours. If you wanted your bathroom sanitized, you had to be sure to take your keys out of the lock in your door. I considered filming these women in order to make visual Joachim’s claim of the immigrants who clean their bathrooms, but I was fairly certain that these women were locals, and very certain that they were not refugees.

ESC MedienKunst had a small holiday party with cookies and glühwein. Essentially mottled wine that is traditionally consumed outdoors in the freezing cold evening, glühwein facilitated these nachtmarkt stands that popped up near the historic center of Graz, making my walk from my apartment to Hauptplatz almost unbearable. Hundreds of local tourist hung out near the Glockenspiel, laughing and having a good time, swinging their arms, or worse, not moving at all. It made me borderline suicidal. Bah, humbug.

ESC’s party took the best of orange-infused wine with other spices like cinnamon, and paired it with the no-nonsense reality that indoor heating was more comfortable than tradition.

Austrian Recipe

Ingredients
2 bottles of good quality red wine
2 cups of water
juice of 2 lemons
5 oz sugar
6 cloves
2 cinnamon sticks
2 oranges - cut into bitesize pieces
oranges for decoration

How to make it:

Put all ingredients in a pot and bring it close to boil

For additional taste cut 2 oranges into bite size pieces and add to the wine

Let simmer

Remove clove, cinnamon stick before serving it into lightly pre-warmed glasses

Decorate glasses with a slice of orange

Stand outside to clutter up the public space and bring the holiday cheer.

20181215: Chili | Willhaben

command, but I gave Iris the benefit of doubt out of politeness–I began drafting an email describing how I really had no time, prior to the screening. The excuses included the fact that Holding Graz requested to approve not only the footage I had shot and agreed to share, but also the final edit of the video, which they requested retroactively. This was a real delay. I then wondered whether I should provide an excuse at all for not being able to perform this task; afterall, was that in anyway my duty or obligation? Before sending it, I deleted it and instead thought of the request as an opportunity, a privilege even, to make the art event out of the art event.

We used a sequestered shopping cart that was abandoned outside of Schaumbad to shop at the local Billa. Iris and I chopped, sautéed and stewed all of the chili ingredients in about three hours. I added the spices and left it on a low simmer. Eva was in charge of turning it off, since they were engaged in another administrative meeting for the next several hours anyway.

In the evening I returned to Priesterseminar to deal with the issue of my gear. For the last week I had been trying to sell most of my gear on a website called WillHaben. This is the Craigslist of Austria. I was hoping to dump my gear prior to flying so I wouldn’t have to pay as much for my luggage and I could profit from the smaller pool of gear in Graz compared to New York. Lastly, I was a firm believer that all of this technology was just trash in an earlier stage of being thrown away. From the minute that most electronics were purchased, their value was decreasing, sometimes as fast as 50% within a few months!

A few strange things happened in this process. First, I tried to post everything in English, expecting most of my audience, video and filmmakers, to be fluent English speakers. But then I received an email saying that everything had to be in German. German German or Austrian German? I conceded. The next aberration were the requests via whatsapp for me to ship my gear to various parts of the world, like London. Scams like this aren’t unusual in New York, but I was surprised to see them in the law-abiding land of Austria. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to sell anything on Willhaben, or to any of the artists at Schaumbad.

But my gear was just part of the problem I uncovered while preparing my luggage. I had acquired more junk during my stay in Graz: papers, brochures, artist books, my own books, souvenirs and gifts. The object with the largest volume was a ten-pack of toilet tissue, which I had purchased at Spar, since the cost of 10 was only 10 cents more than a two pack, had to go. I decided to deal with the problem by turning each into a signed artwork, which I could give out to members of the audience who asked the first questions after the talk.

Chili

Ingredients
1 Can (15 ounces) Kidney Beans, drained
1 Can (15 ounces)  Pinto beans, drained
1 Can (15 ounces) Black beans, drained
1 Can (15 ounces) Fire Roasted diced tomatoes with juice
1 Can (6 ounce) Tomato paste
1 large Red onion, chopped
1 Red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 Jalapeño, seeded and minced *optional
2 Cups vegetable stock (this can be in dried cubes or in a tetra brick)
1 Tablespoon Dried oregano
2 Teaspoons ground cumin
2 Teaspoons Kosher salt
1 Teaspoon ground black pepper
1 Teaspoon Smoked Paprika
2 Tablespoons chili powder
1 Tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 Tablespoon Minced garlic
Garnish
Sour Cream
Cilantro
Cheese, shredded

Cut and sauté all the vegetables, add the spice and stir on low for 5-6 hours.

20181216: Art Brunch | LTR

The dimensions of the video on the projector were off, by about 10% in the vertical dimension, making the already difficult act of watching one’s own work even more unbearable. I sat on a bench perpendicular to the screen, meaning everything was distorted, and just looked at the floor while the video played. The edit lasted exactly 20 minutes and anticipated that the audience was largely familiar, even experts, on the topic, which allowed me to omit necessary information, such as “What is the Speicherkanal?” or “What is the relationship between the trees that were cut down for Speicherkanal to be constructed” or “Is the funding of the Speicherkanal a conflict of interest since the hydropower plant paid for half of it, but caused 100% of the Speicherkanal’s necessity?” Instead, I was able to just position different elements and see them playout.

My working direction on the edit was not to produce a final video, but simply a vignette of the most interesting footage I had shot since in Graz. This was a mental leap because a month before I was thinking that I would try to at least treat everything that I filmed prior to the screening, and in a sense make something more “finished.” In that period, I was really preoccupied by the my perceived impossibility of this task, and really it was impossible. Just logging the footage that I shot, prior to the screening would have been very demanding. I was filming even the morning of the day before the screening. When I conceded to myself not to attempt something encyclopedic of my endeavor in Graz, I had a clearer sense of not only what could be done but what I would like to do. This equated roughly to three minutes of my four most compelling interviews, which I had time to work over, and some B-roll. I had over thirty hours of footage and hadn’t even had time to process Joachim, Saubermacher or Walter Felber’s footage.

The film opens on Werner Sprung talking about the air improvement project at the waste treatment plant and how neighbors were complaining about the air quality. The neighbors had wrongly assumed that the treatment plant was exuding horrible smells that were actually being emitted by a neighboring industry. The next shot is Romana Ull talking about the loss of the huchen salmon due to the construction of the hydropower dam, and then cuts to the carp in the hands of the statue at the human rights plaza. Steven Weiss gives the statistic that every year since 1900 a hydropower plant was built or being built in Austria, which was to suggest that this particular project was not an aberration but the norm. Viewers were oriented toward the Speicherkanal by Günter Gruber who was introducing the necessity of the combined sewer storage after the water level will rise when the hydropower plant begins production. He then talks about the need for sewer pipes in order to maintain other urban infrastructure. This was a sort of advance response to Martin’s forthcoming remark. The film cuts to a statue in the Stadtpark of lady justice, blindfolded, with no arms and then cuts back to Romana talking about her experience as an activist and what it was like to see the trees cut down. The film drew from the known public symbols of Graz and, during the edit, I realized it’s opacity was largely contingent on the familiarity of the audience with the visual symbols. It had become an homage to Graz.

After the film, Steve Weiss joined Iris and I in a panel discussion, which quickly became a question and answer session on the verge of public announcements without questions. Most of the questions pertained to things I had learned about the Speicherkanal, inner workings or nuances that weren’t known to the activist community, or my perception of something as an outsider. In a sense, I had been presented as an artists but interpreted as a journalist. Part of the rouse may have been my attempt to answer their scientifically or technically directed questions to the best of my ability, i.e. from memory of what I had learned while making the film. Only one person asked about the video as an artwork.

For the most part I tried to hold the line of a reticent sympathizer. The most controversial thing I said, which is a good indicator of my overall position, since that's what the audience of protester's sought, a position, was that protest is important and has made progress and because of that, this uniquely Austrian situation with the Speicherkanal had been reached. Whereas in the United States and Canada, the ecological protest is occurring at the Dakota Access Pipeline, or the Tar sands, in which corporate-funded paramilitary are exercising force over demonstrators, toward the benefit of a non-renewable resource, in Graz the protesters are fighting against hydropower, which by international standards is considered 'green.' Yes, there is third-party research about the detriment of marine diversity and ecological destruction, but even at COP 24, in Poland, hydropower is held up by the international community of politicians concerned with climate change, as a renewable energy.

Eva had prepared me for the turnout, which was predominantly activists, some of whom, like Betty Baloo, I had encouraged not only to attend, but to subvert the event by passing out pamphlets. The most concerning individual in the audience was Werner Sprung, from Holding Graz. The first question was from Remi, director of ESC, and, as the microphone got passed toward the back of the room, the questions became less interrogatory and more commentary. The toilet rolls acted to break up what could have been a siege of activist negativity that, had it gone unmitigated, would have likely co-opted the entire screening event. These serious, pressing questions, aimed at sharing and anchoring perceived forms of corruption were followed by a mention of gratitude and delivery of a signed toilet roll, which charged a chuckle.

After the talk everyone mingled and the chili vanished before I could make it to the buffet. The turnout was exceptional, I was told by Michael. The most rewarding thing I saw was Steve Weiss and Werner Sprung, two people who thought of each other on the other side of the contest of the Speicherkanal, having what looked to be a fun and friendly conversation.

*

LaTable Ronde is a program of structured, anonymous, invitation-only conversations about a predetermined topic within a closed setting. Iris had helped me organize a talk to commence 90 minutes after my conversation ended. The topic was “Soft Skills.” We re-arranged the chairs and the few outliers who were not privy quietly exited as we began on time. The conversation was slow to start and I was interested to see how it would take off in this setting. I knew about 30% of the group; most of them knew each other.

The most surprising element was the frequent reference to neo-liberals and by the third utterance I realized that I had not heard nor discussed them for over a decade. Was this still a thing here? Hadn’t neo-libs won? That is, the deregulatory, multinational corporations became the old guard and well established and now the question was how to bridge the economies of start-ups, which operate by default within a neoliberal reality, with democratic governance that was more suitable to models of production from the mid-20th century.

I made only two comments, preferring to watch the ecosystem of conversation play out. Stefan Schmitzer made many contributions; he is a verbal thinker. Heidrum explored and advocated for the return of the empathetic. I was happy by the vitality of the talk but skeptical about the affirmations. At the end of the 90 minutes, everyone seemed energized and grateful for participating. Courteous and politely, the afternoon slipped into the dusk.

20181217: Innere Stadt | Schloßberg

Graz Museum's exhibition Schloßberg-Utopien depicted the evolution of the use of the rock, around which Grazers first organized. First as a hill for materials, later a fortress against Napoleonic troops, then dismantled under a treaty with Napoleon. During World War II tunnels were created to offer safety against Allied air raids, and had been envisioned as a subterranean spa, parking lot and entertainment center.

As a modest sign of appreciation, I invited Iris and her boyfriend to Cafe Promenade to formally close our collaboration. Unfortunately, it was closed for a holiday party, so we decided to ascend the Schloßberg. The first bar was completely booked, as was the second. As we ascended higher and higher, the air crisper and the period between words in our conversation more latent. In the most posh restaurant was at the top. We were given a table just near the large, almost panoramic window over the city. The floor plan felt like a 1960s, James Bond, open floor-pan, amorphous, slight tiering so tables further from the window could see over the window seats, but with renovations such as new lights and colors. We ordered a bottle of blaufränkische. Iris had the cheese plate, as the vegetarian options were limited. I had a fish soup and steak. This was the final realization of the Schloßberg.

The conversation quivered between Austria and the US, LA where Iris’s boyfriend had been working for the last year, and Graz. His distaste for LA, beaches and the superficiality of the conversation found in Santa Monica reminded me of the copy of “Moralia Minimal” that was included in Sofa68 at ESC, and the certainty that Adorno, like any person that lived in another country and saw the flaws, shortcomings, rarities, became dissatisfied not only with the foreign land, but heimat as well. It should be noted that Adorno died in Switzerland.

I had imagined the evening as a bookend, or a symbolic gesture of appreciation but walking down the Schloßberg I felt unsatiated. Not because the gesture had been misunderstood, or the symbol misread, but because I realized that actually didn’t want to formally “wrap things up” or express gratitude; I wanted closure. I wanted to hear her personal impact about this project from Iris. I wanted to hear that as it had been to me, for her this had been a journey. By Freiheitsplatz I realized that the voice I wanted to hear not mute not because she had witnessed this project from the informed and interested perspective of an activist–of a Grazer–but that this project was just another murmur in the multi-year endeavor called ‘a job.’ In coming to terms with how little this was, I realized also that I wanted my project to have a relation to the Murkraftwerk; I wanted the project to diminish it, make it smaller, make it only a part of a larger theme. I wanted my video to leave the Mur and see the entire struggle for trees, hydropower and clean water as just an example of the inevitable playing out, a microcosm in which characters were caricatures, words were dialogue and actions were structured into a narrative arc, enjoyed in the compressed duration of a festival film screening.

I was ready to leave.

20181218: Garbage | Drawings

At 11h I called Walter Felber over Google Hangouts and he immediately began to talk about the contract which I had sent him. His concern was the application of his System Felber®, which I had inadvertently filmed while visiting his flat. I had little interest in using that footage, other than perhaps to show the amount of collecting, storing and categorizing of junk in his apartment and during the conversation I already decided to not use that material. He insisted on sending me a five-sentence contract to clarify that the material could be used and published for personal interest but that it could not be used for commercial interest. When I mentioned that the material with which I was most interested was actually about the Grazbach, and not the System Felber, he stated that it was fine to use that material as I wished.

I visited the Neue Galerie Joanneum to decompress and saw the Günter Brus show. It turned out that Gunter Brus had his own museum, the Bruseum. The revelation was confound. I found the whole taxonomical system and relationship between buildings, rooms and institutions a little confusing in Graz. I mentioned this in regard to how this fellowship was a collaboration of different organizations, but this Bruseum was another level of abstraction. The Neue Galerie was a building and museum, which was part of the Universalmuseum Joanneum system. Within the Neue Galerie was the Bruseum, which were several rooms, a wing even, of the Neue Galerie, dedicated to the artist. But just across the staircase were rooms that were not the Bruseum, which were just the Neue Galerie, and had entirely different works and exhibitions that had nothing to do with the Günter Brus.

The show that I came to see was awesome. I learned of Günter Brus and the Viennese Actionists decades ago, even before graduate school, and had really loved their work. It was so disgusting; it seemed like a time capsule that was both dated but also indicative of this other time when everything that we knew and valued today didn’t matter at all. Two things were clear in the Bruseum: Günter Brus was troubled and not by laziness. The hundreds of drawings of bodily mutilation were a refreshing reminder of juvenile drawings that simply could not be done today without someone calling the police or prescribing something. I really loved his use of staples and aluminum foil in his drawings.

In his drawings, the body looks like a machine, a city, with processes occurring through body parts. The drawings series spanned decades and thus left the scope of a series, or serial production in which an artist turned out dozens of drawings in a short period, for example in advance of a show, and enters the scale of a preoccupation. The books were great.

Across the stairwell I saw the collection shows. The paintings of Fritz Martinz, remniscent of Lucien Freud, were quite nice. Volumnus nudes rendered with a scribbled identity, also recall the misanthropic disposition of Egon Schiele. I learned of Wilhelm Thony, a Secession artist whose cosmopolitan, even global biography was impressive, given he died in 1949. Born in Graz, he made work in Munich, Paris, Cote d’Azur and New York, where he died. His works are people of culture; suit wearers, urbanites, in social situations, which may be as mundane as walking on a bridge, or standing near the Seine. Stylistically he appears a protege of Cezanne, but without structure; lose, muddy, absent of fore or background; post-impressionistic; brush strokes as contours. Personally, I didn’t care for his work, it didn’t move me, but in looking at it I realized a role that art once played: it could travel. And artists as well. And because artists and works could travel, artistic styles too traveled, particularly between cities. Because that’s where cars, boats, planes and trains went.

On the way back to Priesterseminar I picked up a pastry and took a tea break with Zihua. What I anticipated to be a 30 minute chat evolved into a much longer discussion that included Ksenya about styles of filming, cinema verite, Vox populi, documentaries and art films. Did we feel an obligation to truth? Her background with journalism/journalistic ethic, my aversion from art that sells, or deals, truth.

At 18h I met Michael and Marleen under the Weikhard Uhr, a traditional meeting place in Graz. I loved that Graz had a predetermined, widely known meeting location and that there was a clock there to confirm punctuality. A meeting really consists of three variables: a place, a time, and a person(s). Under the Weikhard Uhr one find a cluster of waiters, awaiting. It was beautiful. Every city needs a public-clock meeting place.

We went to a Cafe Mitte off Freiheitsplatz; sort of Thai-inspire fare dulled down for the Austrian palette and supplemented with Austrian spirits. I had a Zwetschenscahps, plum liquor. Later I had a vogelbeerschnapps, distilled from pine cone seeds that were first collected for baiting birds. It was the more expensive of the schapps on the list, though in terms of flavor profile, I thought it was similar to the plum: an essence, rather than flavor. Like a vodka, but with tact.

Michael and Marleen were great to talk to because there was an ecosystem that they’ve developed, into which one was visiting during the conversation. They had positions and rebuttals to the other’s position; I didn’t hit anything dramatically sensitive. Less of a minefield and more of walking across the bedroom of an adolescent while not wearing shoes. We chatted about Graz, Günter Brus and making art. It was light, friendly and I left with the feeling that I’d like to see them again, and that I would, maybe in an airport or art exhibition somewhere.

20181219: 1493 | 2019

According to the trifold brochure:

"The Graz Double Spiral Staircase was erected in 1499/1500 by an unknown master builder in the reign of Emperor Maximilian I, the ‘Last Knight.’

The numerous signs of work on the structure attest to the stonemasons who participated in the the construction of the staircase.

The Graz staircase is not the only one of its shape in the architecture of Central Europe, but one of the most significant.

The new reference to antiquity on the threshold to the Renaissance Era is expressed on the staircase facades in the walling of two Roman gravestones from the nearby Roman town of Flavia Solva.

AEIOU Emperor who signed everything but no one knows what AEIO means.”

This was where the tour with Werner began on Wednesday morning. I didn’t expect a cultural trip; actually I expected just a meeting in his office. But he showed me the double spiral, which was just across the street from my apt. I walked past it almost everyday. But I never learned about it because I hadn’t opened the orientation folder that was given to me on the first day at Afro-Asiatische Institut.

The next stop, the Graz Plague Mural, I had seen before and had included in my film. A fresco on the outside of the cathedral recounted God’s message to his disciplines, the church’s role in educating men, the invasion of the Turks into Europe and Graz, and the death toll of the Black Plague on the citizens.

In the Graz Cathedral we looked at the red and cream-colored floor tiles; stones from Salzburg. The Cathedral is a mixture of styles: a gothic ceiling with ceiling skulls replaced with wooden paintings of the Styrian leopard, an Italian Renaissance backdrop behind the altar, which is flanked by two ivory boxes, which I supposed held the sacred remains of saints; the boxes themselves are encased in glass, which itself may be encased in something else in the future. The roof of the cathedral is pierced at the head and aft of the roof with copper turrets, one for air, one for a clock. Both were likely additions around 200 years ago. The doors to the cathedral open with an automatic sensor, introduced in the last five years.

We walked down to the Glockenspiel, which first chimed on Christmas eve of 1905. We had breakfast at Frankowisch, where he told me that you can always see if the an establishment in Austria is serving bad coffee when they serve sparkling water along side. The sparkling hides the bad aftertaste. But with good coffee still water is served, so one can rinse the pallet and enjoy the flavor anew.

When the coffee was almost done and the pastries eaten, almost two hours since we met, Werner mozied to the purpose of the meeting: Holding Graz was not happy. Actually, Werner framed it this way: “You’re lucky. You’re the last person who will be allowed to film at the wastewater treatment plant.” There had been a meeting with the higher ups and Werner had taken some flack.

I was not entirely surprised; in fact I was a little surprised that Holding Graz had allowed me to film there in the first place. It’s completely forbidden in New York. I asked if they were still going to lead students there, for educational purposes. He said yes, but in general Holding Graz was tightening their grip on their image and would not allow Steve Weiss’s college class to tour their Andritz facility.

I understood with their impulse to try to reduce the risk of public criticism, but I disagreed with their approach. The impulse for Holding to decrease transparency was a mistake, I told Werner. Rather they should increase transparency in certain areas. Opacity was the reason these three parties of environmentalist Austrians were at each other’s necks. Openness, dialogue and cross-collaboration was the only way to gracefully produce the democratic future.

The Landezeughaus was the next stop on the tour, an enormous, historic building, the largest armory in the world, storing enough weapons and armor for 10,000 men. It was right behind the Mayor’s building in Hauptplatz and closed in the winter, except for guided tours. Visually, the Landezeughaus is stunning: all dark wood structures holding mostly dark wood muskets, swords and armor. It served as the stockade against Napoleon’s men in 1809; the more expensive armor expressed the wealth of its production but also the current owners.

During lunch at Schmankerlstube I perfected the rhythm and patience of Graz. No question can be answered in more than two sentence and between the answer and the next question a duration of silence that is at least as long as another question must endure. It was an excruciating pace, but it allowed both parties to essentially eat at the same rhythm.

We both ordered Halbbeuschel, veal lungs stew with a dumpling in the middle. Toward the end of the meal, Werner invited me to join him and some other water enthusiasts to sail the Adriatic sea in the summertime. I was flattered. We paid, walked to Hauptplatz where I began to apologize for any trouble I may have caused him with his superiors. He answered that he was an old rabbit and knew how to carry on. Then, under the Weikhard Uhr, we shook hands and he dashed off to catch a tram back to work.

Halbbeuschel

Innards can be found very often in the Viennese cuisine and are highly estimated amongst gourmets. The Beuschel (veal lungs) supposedly is a Jewish dish and is that prominent in the Viennese cuisine that the term has found its way even into everyday speech and is colloquially used as a synonym for „lungs“. Therefore, a „Beuscheltelefon“ (literally: lung telephone) is the medical diagnosis tool stethoscope. Enjoy!

Serves: 4
Ingredients:
Beuschel:
600 g (1,4 lb) veal lungs
1 veal heart
1 root vegetables (parsley, carrots, celery stalk)
6 peppercorns
3 allspice corns
1 bay leaf
1 spring thyme (small)
1 onion (small)
salt
Final stage:
40 g (1/8 cup) butter
30 g (1/4 cup) flour
1 cooking spoon capers
1 onion (small) , halved
1 anchovy fillet (finely chopped)
1 clove garlic (chopped)
lemon rind (grated)
1 tbsp parsley (finely chopped)
dash of vinegar
sugar
pinch of ground marjoram
smidgen of mustard
2 tbsps sour cream
2 tbsps cream
dash of lemon juice
salt
ground pepper
4 tbsps goulash sauce (for serving)

Preparation:

Separate the veal lung from the windpipe and gullet. Soak well, piercing several holes in the lung so that water can get into the cavity. Fry the onion, cut surfaces down, in a pan until golden brown. Fill a large pot with cold water, add lungs and heart and bring to boil. Add to the pot the root vegetables, peppercorns, allspice corns, bay leaf, thyme, salt and onion. Simmer until meat is tender.

Remove the lung after about 1 hour and rinse with cold water to cool. Leave the heart in the stock for at least another 30 minutes, until very tender, then remove. Heat some of the stock in another saucepan and bring to boil. Meanwhile, cut the lung and heart finely, removing any cartilage.

For the final stage, heat some butter in a casserole dish. Sprinkle in the flour and sauté until light brown. Add the finely chopped ‘innards seasoning': capers, onion, anchovy fillet, garlic, lemon rind, and parsley. Let draw on low heat for a few minutes. Add the reduced stock, stir well and cook for 15-20 minutes until thick. Add the innards and season with salt, pepper, vinegar, sugar, marjoram and mustard. As soon as the ragout is thick, stir in the sour cream and cream. Simmer for another 5-10 minutes. Add lemon juice to taste and serve with a few drops of hot goulash juice and serve with bread dumplings.


20181220: Maribor | Riso

Lithopolis is a book of 30 pages comprised of images of the various stones in Graz. Text about the our geological relationship to cities is broken up with images of stones.

“The city is a Stone Age technology, made over with metal and information.”

I printed the book at Risograd, a community studio within Schaumbad, located just off the main lobby. Once a week, they were open to the public, or their public, of zinesters and book artists. The studio was directed by Martin Trollman and Hanna Stein. The first day I was there, an artist from Serbia, who had a just acquired his own Riso, was printing Christmas cards of Jesus, using gold ink. It drew an international crowd.

Riso is a technology that is like letterpress, in that paper is rolled over an inked surface, only the plate is created using a mask that can be digitally burnt. Each drum is a single color and in order to create multiple colors, a page must be run through the machine multiple times. The machine looks like a copy machine. Risograd has four machines, two of which partially work, but complementary to each other. Riso produces a rasterized image, not a photographic duplicate, and, because I printed each page in a single tone, the images of rocks look more like textures than photos, but I liked the aesthetic.

The first day at Risograd I printed my book for about six hours. The title page is black with gold ink; the following pages white with black ink; a few central pages with only stone and no text are black with gold ink; the colophon page is again black with gold ink. In a cross-section view, the book looks layered like geologic structure. For the cover and back, I ordered stone paper made of rock minerals and plastic; it appears like vellum and is waterproof and semi-transparent. I learned about changing the drums, the peculiarities such as multiple pages being picked up by the machine at the same time, meaning the bottom page isn’t printed on. The second day I just trimmed two of the four sides of the pages in order to reduce the size and weight of the paper for travel.

Printing thirty copies cost about 120 € plus a donation. Martin framed the donation as “pay whatever you can; some people pay 5€ and some pay 100€.” I had no idea what this meant in terms of money, so prior to picking up the book, I asked Iris what she suggested: 20€. I paid a total of 150€, or 29€ but Martin said, “If that’s good for you, it’s good for us.” What? I got the sense he was scoffing at my donation, but I said ‘fuck it: if they expected a precise, larger amount, they should have suggested a percentage rather than quantity in previous donations.’

The other strange request was not only a copy of the book for the archive, which at first I was confused as to whether they expected me to pay (ultimately Martin clarified that they did not expect me to pay for it) but a second “finished and bound copy” which I was supposed to donate, again for the archive. I guess this was because I didn’t have time nor materials necessary to finish book while in Graz. I thought it was strange for a community center to request a copy for their archive without sponsoring the production of the work. I sponsored it by paying for it. Archival donations are very common in residency programs, or organizations that may use the works to raise funds, but Martin specified that they do not sell their archive.

*

I met Simon Žlahtič, a curator at Guest Room Maribor in Slovenia, at Cafe Mitte to talk about art, ecology, and the possibility of working together. Maribor had a sister-city relationship between Graz, Lebanon and Serbia; Simon spent lots of time with the artists at Schaumbad. Guest Room Maribor also has a residency program, similar to Das Land Steiermark, which included housing and a stipend.[1] They shared similar interests. Simon told me about a project that they launched in storefront windows to educate the local community about the use of pristine land in Maribor for an industrial plant. The project against which they were protesting had similar aspects to the construction of the Speicherkanal: secret, early planning stages between government and industry; environmental degradation for the benefit of a private company; and the government incentivization based on the promise of jobs and tax money.

We talked for about 90 minutes when Ana, Simon’s partner, arrived to pick up Simon. Simon asked if I would be willing to share my video with him for a screening at Maribor. I agreed, but noted that, like my meeting with Werner Sprung, it seemed that the purpose of the meeting was quite delayed.


[1]Guest Room Maribor http://www.guestroommaribor.si/?fbclid=IwAR3m8dgFG1P2m5lW0r5rwVGpIgidsGVRExbpbI0O76y6Pjmj1UPtiFC2NS0

20181221-20190103: Europe | New York City

In the morning I was checked out of my room by Ingrid Klamminger of Priesterseminar and I wheeled my Petrol case of gear and my box of books and junk down to Operncafe, across the street from the Flixbus stop. I had an amazing coffee there with the largely retiree crowd of mid morning. They were gyrating caffeinated conversation.

Flixbus to Vienna International Airport, time kill and Vueling flight to Barcelona.

I spent the 21st to the 2nd in Cornellà with Vanesa’s family. The weather was unusually warm worldwide; even Prado Dorado had only rain. We had Buena Noche dinner with Esther’s mother and friend; Imet with Anabelen, Sara and Artur, and Teofil; we traveled to Zaragoza and met Teresa and Jorge; we went for walks around Cornellaà. The vocabulary word of the year: el cuñado.

I was filled with excitement to get back to NYC during the week in Spain. In part I was tired of the smattery relationship to place that one first finds exciting in travel; equally I was tired of having concluded the filming stage, but wa in limbo before I could properly edit the footage. I was also profoundly tired of superficial things: clothes, coats, shoes, food, mattress, desk, or shower. So for that week in Spain, on holiday (cuando esta cerrado cerrado, sobre todo esto), I was already restless.

My enthusiasm for NYC correlated quite accurately to my altitude: at 30,000 in a Dreamliner, LED rainbow ceilings, even after an 8 hour flight and little or no sleep, circadian midnight, I felt upbeat and positive; in the final descent into Newark I gawked at the high rises that I’ve seen so many times. Still, I felt eager to get back. At sea-level I was waiting through customs, elongated by the new computers to first enter the customs; collecting my physical belongings, waiting through a customs exit line, and compressing my three parcels of 20 kg, 20 kg, 10 kg into one murderously heavy rolling suitcase. In the Meadowlands, waiting for NJT, the train that finally arrived, I saw the dingy, aged sliding door between cars, dysfunctional and ajar. The smell of body odor and the dust that every passenger saw but the cleaning crew had somehow overlooked for a decade. In the subway connection at Penn Station, below sea-level, I found myself utterly depressed, hauling the suitcase up and down stairs, since the MTA and New York State continue to combat the American Disabilities Act and install functional elevators; at the connecting D train, which was exponentially later with each announcement, we finally gave up and took a cab. $28 for a 20 minute drive. Welcome back to New York City. Fuck You.